The RENT Christmas Special!
by Harry's Girl 01031992
Summary: A psychotic Santa is on the loose and it's the Bohemians' job to stop him! What hilarity will ensue? R&R!


**Disclaimer: I don't own Rent… oh well…**

**A/N: This takes place in the present day…**

* * *

It was a cold Christmas Eve and everybody was wrapping gifts for each other. Christmas music was playing the background. Everybody was going about their business when all of a sudden, a news bulletin came on the TV and this is how it went: "Attention!" the serious newscaster said. "If you are watching this, listen closely. Santa has gone psychotic and he's on the loose! Board all of your windows, doors, and block the chimneys so the psychotic old elf can't get into your house and do horrible things to you. That is all."

The Bohemians were all quiet for about a minute then they screamed in terror.

"SANTA HAS GONE PSYCHO?!" Angel cried as she fell to her knees. "What has the world come to?"

"Don't let Santa stuff me in the oven and put it on high so he can eat me for a late night snack!" Mimi cried as she held onto Roger for dear life.

Collins scrambled into his hiding place behind the fridge and cried.

Maureen ran around in circles screaming bloody murder.

Joanne hyperventilated and needed to get a paper bag to breathe into.

"CALM DOWN, EVERYBODY!" Mark yelled to stop the hectic business. "We need to think up of a plan so Santa doesn't kill us. Anybody have any suggestions?"

Maureen, who had stopped running around in circles, sat down and raised her hand.

"I think that we should set a trap for Santa." Maureen said.

"Could you be more specific?" Mark asked. Maureen thought about it for a second and then shook her head "no".

"We should leave out some bait." Joanne declared. "My famous Christmas cookies and warm milk should draw him in."

"Good." Mark said. "Any more suggestions?"

Collins peeked out from behind the fridge and said, "I think we should leave a big glue-trap out when he sees the bait, so if he tries to escape, he can't; he'll be stuck to the trap."

"Excellent." Mark said. "Maureen, Collins: Go find a giant glue trap. They should be under the sink."

"Sir, yes, sir!" Maureen and Collins exclaimed in a military like fashion. They went off to the sink to find the glue trap.

"Joanne: Go make your Christmas cookies and warm milk. They should be plain sugar cookies with vanilla frosting, sprinkles and in all sorts of Holiday-oriented shapes." Joanne promptly got on her chef's gear and started baking.

"As for the rest of you," Mark continued. "You have to be decoys, just lie on the couch and cover up in your blankets."

"Why do _we_ have to be decoys?" Roger whined. "I don't want to be Santa-Chow." Mimi slapped Roger across the face.

"Pull yourself together, man! Do you want to live to see New Years?" Mimi barked.

"Yes, ma'am." Roger replied timidly.

"Now get your tookus on that couch or I'll do it for you." Angel said. They immediately jumped onto the couch and covered up in their blankets.

Collins and Maureen found the glue trap and plopped it near the table that Joanne would put the cookies and milk on. Joanne, being very careful, carried a glass of warm milk and a plate of cookies and avoided the giant trap and put the confections on the table.

"There," Mark said. "The trap's in place." He looked at the clock to see that it was almost midnight. "Santa should be arriving sometime soon, so cover up in a blanket and lie down somewhere away from the glue trap." They did as they were told and a couple of minutes later, the big guy in red and his sack of toys came bounding down the chimney. He chuckled evilly when he spotted the tray of cookies. He was about half way there when he was caught in the trap of stickiness.

"Drat!" he exclaimed.

Mark looked at all of his friends to tell them that they should attack. Everybody sprang into action and randomly got baseball bats and started beating him.

"Stop your evil plans, you evil elf!" Maureen cried. "Or you'll have to meet Thelma and Louise!" referring to her fists.

"He's not the real Santa!" A muffled voice said from the sack. Everyone dropped their weapons.

"AAAAGH! A possessed bag of toys!" Collins screamed as he put his hands on his face like the Home Alone kid.

Then, the bag exploded, revealing that it wasn't possessed, but the _real_ Santa was in there.

"_I'm_ the real Santa Claus." The jolly old elf declared. "That guy you were beating is my evil twin. He kidnapped me and put me in the bag of toys."

"And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those darn kids!" The evil twin snarled. (Reference to Scooby Doo)

"Let's put this guy in the slammer!" Mimi exclaimed.

"And for helping me catch my evil twin in the act, you all can help me deliver toys to children around the world." Santa declared. Everyone cheered happily. They all got their coats on, got into the sleigh, dropped the evil-doer in the jail and flew around the world in one night delivering toys to well deserving children.

They returned home on Christmas morning and opened the presents that they received from Santa.

Roger got a guitar autographed by Paul McCartney; Mark got a new video camera; Collins received a new beanie hat; Angel got a pink bathrobe made of fleece and it had her name printed on the back of it; Maureen received a book called 101 Best Protests in History; Joanne got a new handheld device and Mimi received a pair of new boots.

As everybody was enjoying their gifts, Mark noticed a note on the floor. He picked it up.

"Hey, guys!" He exclaimed. "Santa left us a note!" He read it aloud.

_Dear Mark, Roger, Collins, Mimi, Angel, Maureen, and Joanne:_

_Thank you for helping me catch my evil brother in the act of trying to ruin Christmas. I don't think I can ever repay you for all of the good things you did for me. I hope to see you next year!_

_Sincerely,_

_Mr. C._

_P.S. Thanks for the cookies and warm milk!_

The End!

* * *

**How'd you guys like this one? If it wasn't as random as you were hoping, _Je suis desolee_. But did you guys like this one? Review and I'll be grateful! Happy Holidays!**

**-Harry's Girl 01031992**


End file.
